When was the last time you felt heard by your doctor?

In a perfect world, doctors would walk into the exam room and say, “I know you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t suffering. Tell me everything, and we’ll figure this out together. I won’t interrupt you, minimize your experience, or suggest a medication without hearing you out first.”

But, insurance demands rigidity and robotic care, am I right?

Doctors aren’t the enemy; they’re held to a system of care that is overwhelmed and often times, impersonal. This leaves patients like us waiting months for a specialist appointment that only lasts fifteen minutes. Good luck explaining your long list of symptoms and concerns in less time than an episode of The Office. Which, sidenote: does anyone else feel that the medical system is run by Michael Scott?

Today, I want to help you feel in control and heard during your fifteen-minute race to talk more than your doctor. I’ll give you some pointers on things I’ve found helpful in getting doctors to take me seriously.

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Disclaimer: Hey there, friend! Just a quick reminder—I’m not a doctor, and this blog post isn’t medical advice (as much as I wish my Google searches made me a certified expert). This blog is all about sharing personal experiences and insights, not diagnosing or curing anything—so take what resonates, do your own research, and always prioritize your health. 💛

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Your Endometriosis Pain Isn’t Something to Push Through

I began having abnormally painful periods when I was fifteen. Like most girls, I assumed it was normal to be in excruciating pain for two weeks every month. Adulthood brought more intense periods, especially after the birth of my daughter. I’d been in and out of doctors’ offices for years and had tried so many birth control pill options for the pain. Unfortunately, the pill wasn’t a good fit for me due to the mental health side effects.

Endometriosis wasn’t even mentioned until I was about ten years into trying to find answers. I had established a new relationship with a gynecologist due to a recent move. Initially, the doctor was intimidating. He was an older physician with a steely affect and wasn’t much of a talker. Surprisingly, he turned out to be one of the best gynecologists I’ve had over the years.

I went into that appointment with a lot of nervousness, but I also had such intense desperation for answers. It was the first time I was given the time and space to explain my symptoms and how they were affecting my everyday life. He didn’t interrupt me once!

I’ll never forget what he said.

It’s not normal or acceptable to lose half of every month to pain. You’re spending half of your life fighting for relief when you shouldn’t have to.

That validation gave me the strength I needed to then go through the uterine ablation surgery, which is how my endometriosis was diagnosed. Thankfully, I had a great doctor who was willing to hear me out, validate my experience, and meet my concerns with curiosity and kindness. I’ve had some awful experiences with other providers since, and I imagine you have, too. I have had to learn that speaking up for myself is not being “needy”. It’s necessary when living with an incurable disease.

Here are some tips to try at your next appointment. I’ve found that they have helped me to go into appointments confident and be taken seriously by doctors.

Write a Concise List of Symptoms

Endometriosis is a full-body experience. Not only does it affect your uterus and ovaries, but it can also cause headaches, joint and back pain, tons of GI issues, fatigue, and even shortness of breath. When you show up for your appointment, you’re going to have limited time to share your experience. Going in with a list of your top three concerns is the best way to keep your appointment on track and ensure your provider understands how to best help you.

It’s important to be concise while also being descriptive.

Here’s an example:

• Stabbing pain in the lower left side of my back during periods.
• Dull, throbbing ache in my left ovary area during PMS and my cycle.
• Shooting pain down my left side when on my period.

The pain is descriptive, and it’s also assigned a timeline. Giving your doctor insight into what you’re experiencing and when gives them helpful data to go off of.

Explain How Your Symptoms Affect Your Everyday Life

Quantifying your pain is the next step. Doctors want to know about your endometriosis symptoms, but telling them exactly how they’re affecting your life is a game-changer. This gives your provider insight into your quality of life. Be specific and add it to each listed symptom.

Here’s how that looks with the example I gave a minute ago:

• Stabbing pain in the lower left side of my back during periods. I had to miss four days of work last month due to the pain.
• Dull, throbbing ache in my left ovary area during PMS and cycle. I had to sit down to shower the whole week of my period because it was too difficult to stand up.
• Shooting pain down my left side when on my period. I have had a neighbor take my daughter to school every day for two weeks because I’m too tired to feel safe driving.

Here are a few areas where it has helped to quantify my pain:

• Unable to show up to work or work in general
• Inability to sleep well at night or nap during the day due to pain
• Having to sit down to complete tasks (washing dishes, meal prepping, showering, etc.)
• Loss of appetite due to pain
• Being too fatigued to cook, grocery shop, drive, etc.

Try giving specific examples like this at your next appointment. It’s helped me so much with advocating for myself over the years. To be honest, it humanizes you. Doctors don’t just see you as a list of symptoms anymore, but can see how it’s affecting you as a person.

Speak Up With Questions and Concerns

I’m going to be honest. This has been the hardest part for me in my journey. I’m not naturally a confrontational person. I spent over a decade thinking that speaking up to doctors was “disrespectful” or that it would negatively affect the quality of my care if I disagreed with their input. I put up with a lot of dismissive, entitled, and horrible doctors before I realized I didn’t have to endure that type of treatment.

Maybe you have also let a lot slide over the years because you were too intimidated to speak up or too damn tired to know how.

I see you.

Now, years into this gig, I have found myself (politely) pushing back with providers who just weren’t hearing me out. Here are a few of my go-to scripts. Screenshot, copy and paste, or print these out for your next appointment:

The One Where a Doctor Talks Faster Than You Can Listen

“I’m in a lot of pain today, and it’s hard to concentrate. I want to make sure I’m understanding what you’re saying, so could you please slow down just a bit?”

“Could you please simplify what you just said? I’m not sure I follow.”

“Thanks for your help. It’s hard for me to follow what you’re saying right now because I’m so tired. Will you please include what you just said in my patient notes/discharge papers?”

The One Where a Doctor Is Clearly Not Engaged or Interested

“Is what I’m saying making sense to you? I’ve waited months for this appointment and just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“You seem distracted. I’m happy to wait until you’re done before finishing what I’m saying.”

“What would you recommend if it were your daughter/niece/sister going through what I’m experiencing?”

The One Where a Doctor Isn’t Following

“I think you misunderstood what I said. Let me clarify that.”

“I understand your opinion on that (medication, course of treatment, diagnosis). However, that doesn’t really align with my experience. Let me explain why.”

“Would you mind explaining why you came to that conclusion?”

I’m telling you that these tiny scripts have helped me so much! I’d love to know ones you’ve used before. Leave a comment!

Don’t Apologize

Does anyone else get overly apologetic when they’re nervous? Is that just me? I cannot tell you how many times I’ve apologized to a doctor for no reason at all.

Doctor: “Can you scoot closer to the edge of the exam table?”

Me: “Sorry!”

Like, why?

A few months ago, it became painfully obvious to me that apologizing was my way to build rapport with my provider. It allowed me to seem approachable, kind, and appreciative. Basically, I gave some of my power away in hopes that I would seem like a grateful little patient. Then, in turn, my gratitude and kindness would result in being well-liked and the doctor actually giving a damn about me.

Medical trauma, am I right?

Well, it turns out that my approach worked like 2 out of every 10 times. Why? Well, I have to believe it’s because being so overly nice actually took my voice away in some cases. Doctors don’t need you to be Miss Congeniality. They need you to be honest about your experience and communicate your needs and concerns clearly.

So, because I was so distracted by being liked, I really held back the raw truth of my suffering. After all, I didn’t want to seem “dramatic,” or like I was “making it all up”.

The best advice I gave myself was: STOP apologizing!

Remember this:

• You are not in the way. It’s your appointment.
• You’ve been waiting (likely months) to be there, and you deserve every second of the provider’s attention (and even one of the stickers or lollipops they’re hoarding at the front desk)
• You are already worthy of quality care. You don’t have to bring all the personality just to be heard. If you still feel that way after an appointment, then it’s time to fire your doctor.

Find an Endometriosis Specialist

If you already have an endometriosis diagnosis or even suspect you have endo, you need a specialist. The disease is so complex and needs such specific care that an endo-trained doctor is the best way forward. Most gynecologists have a general understanding of endometriosis, but are not experts in diagnosing it and aren’t excision specialists. As pleased as I was to get a firm endometriosis diagnosis by an OB/GYN, my care really improved once I began seeing an endometriosis and pelvic floor specialist. Her understanding of my experience is so much more in-depth.

My Endometriosis Team is a great resource for finding endometriosis specialists in your area. The community is a helpful space to meet other endo warriors also navigating care.

Wrapping Up

You deserve care that is personal, kind, and thorough. I know how hard it can be to advocate for yourself when you’re in the hot seat at an appointment. I’m here to help you feel encouraged, empowered, and prepared for your next conversation with your provider. Trust me, I still struggle standing up for myself, but hey, we can keep learning together.

Let me know which of these scripts you find most useful.

I’d love to invite you to check out my Substack, where I share more about my personal journey living with endometriosis and POTS.