Little Hope Notes

For most of my life, I thought my struggles were just a reflection of personal failure.

I couldn’t finish projects, forgot what my friend had just told me, lost track of time constantly, and felt overwhelmed so intensely that it left me exhausted. I told myself I just wasn’t disciplined enough, smart enough, or organized enough.

It wasn’t until I was 35 and after years of managing chronic illnesses, navigating brain fog, and wondering why everything felt harder for me than it seemed to be for others—that I finally received an unexpected diagnosis: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

---

Disclaimer: Hey there, friend! Just a quick reminder—I’m not a doctor, and this blog post isn’t medical advice (as much as I wish my Google searches made me a certified expert). This blog is all about sharing personal experiences and insights, not diagnosing or curing anything—so take what resonates, do your own research, and always prioritize your health. 💛

---

Realizing ADHD Wasn’t Laziness or “Just Who I Am”

Like many women, my ADHD flew under the radar for decades. I now knew that I had been overcompensating by working harder, staying up later to hit deadlines (when I was able to work), and creating endless systems to keep my life on track. It was taking all of my energy just to hit a “normal” stride.

I didn’t know that ADHD could look different in women. I wasn’t bouncing off the walls or interrupting teachers growing up. Instead, my ADHD showed up as:

• Chronic overwhelm
• Difficulty prioritizing tasks
• Forgetting conversations minutes after they happened
• Zoning out during meetings
• Getting lost in my own head for hours

When you live with chronic illnesses, symptoms like fatigue, brain fog, or forgetfulness often get attributed to your condition. For years, I assumed that was all it was. But deep down, I knew something else was going on—something that made even simple mental tasks feel insurmountable.

My ADHD Diagnosis at 35

Getting diagnosed wasn’t something I sought out right away. I stumbled into it during a conversation with my psychiatrist about my anxiety medication management. I told him all about the constant mental noise and inability to start things—even things I wanted to do. He gently suggested that what I was describing sounded like ADHD.

At first, I laughed.
“ADHD? Me? No way. I’m not hyper. I can focus, especially on reading—sometimes for hours!”

He explained, “That’s what we call hyperfocus.”

That’s when I started to learn that ADHD isn’t just about attention—it’s about regulation. Emotional regulation, focus regulation, time regulation. It’s a brain that has trouble switching gears, estimating time, and staying on one thought long enough to complete it.

After an assessment, long discussions, and a lot of reflection, I finally had an answer.
It wasn’t that I was lazy, scatterbrained, or “bad at adulting.” My brain just worked differently.

It would take a couple more years before this diagnosis actually “clicked for me” in therapy.

10 Things I Didn’t Know Were ADHD Traits

ADHD traits can be sneaky—especially in adults, and especially in women. Looking back, I can see so many signs that I brushed off or blamed myself for. Here are ten things I didn’t realize were part of ADHD until my diagnosis:

1. Emotional intensity and rejection sensitivity – I used to wonder why I took criticism so personally or felt heartbroken over minor misunderstandings. Turns out, emotional dysregulation and rejection-sensitive dysphoria are common ADHD experiences.
2. Constant mental chatter – My brain never shuts up. I used to think I was “just anxious” or overthinking, but racing thoughts and internal restlessness are classic ADHD traits.
3. Difficulty starting tasks (even fun ones) – This was a huge one. The frustration of wanting to do something—really wanting to—and feeling physically unable to begin is called “task paralysis.” It’s not procrastination; it’s neurological.
4. Hyperfocus – I could spend hours diving deep into a project or hobby, losing all sense of time and hunger. Hyperfocus isn’t always productive—it can make balancing daily life really hard.
5. Time blindness – My relationship with time has always been… complicated. I’m never late for appointments which may surprise you since most of us think of that when it comes to ADHD. However, five minutes and fifty minutes feel the same to me, which explains why I show up super early for things.
6. Forgetting simple things – I could recall random details about a book I read ten years ago, but forget what I needed to grab from the next room. Working memory struggles are part of ADHD.
7. Messy environments despite loving order – I adore organization videos and planners, but my own space often looks like a small tornado passed through. I used to see that as moral failure; now I see it as executive dysfunction. It’s often because I flit from one project to another without finishing anything 100%.
8. Interrupting or oversharing – I used to beat myself up for talking too much or blurting things out. It’s impulsivity and excitement to contribute to the conversation.
9. Chronic restlessness – Even when my body was tired (thanks to chronic illness), my brain was spinning. ADHD doesn’t always look like physical hyperactivity—it can be mental hyperactivity.
10. Burnout cycles – The pattern of being “all in” one week and completely wiped out the next used to confuse me. But with ADHD, it’s common to swing between overfunctioning and crashing.

Understanding these traits helped me rewrite the story I’d been telling myself for years. I wasn’t broken—I was misunderstood, especially by myself.

ADHD and Chronic Illness: A Complicated Pairing

Living with chronic illness already demands so much from your body and mind. Add ADHD to the mix, and daily life can feel like juggling water.
Brain fog from illness blends with distractibility from ADHD. Fatigue worsens executive dysfunction. Medical appointments, medication schedules, and symptom tracking become logistical nightmares.

But there’s also something quietly empowering about knowing what’s really happening. Once I had language for my experience, I could start creating systems that worked with my brain instead of against it.

For example:

• I use alarms and visual cues for medication reminders.
• I batch similar tasks together to reduce decision fatigue.
• I accept that some days will be slower—and that doesn’t mean I’ve failed.

Seeking Help and Understanding Your ADHD Diagnosis

If you’ve recently been diagnosed—or you’re wondering if you might have ADHD—it’s okay to take your time processing it. It can bring a mix of emotions: grief for the years you struggled without knowing, relief for finally having answers, and confusion about what to do next.

Here’s what helped me begin to understand and manage my ADHD:

1. Find a therapist who understands ADHD

Working with a therapist who specializes in (and actually has) ADHD—one familiar with how it overlaps with chronic illness, trauma, or anxiety—was life-changing. Therapy helped me rebuild self-compassion and learn emotional regulation skills that medication alone couldn’t teach.

✨Talkspace is my preferred therapy platform. It’s conveinient, takes my insurance, and I can instant message with my therapist on days when having a conversation is especially too difficult due to brain fog or fatigue.

2. Consider an evaluation by a qualified professional

If you haven’t been officially diagnosed, start by talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional. They can refer you for neuropsychological testing or ADHD assessments designed for adults. Talkspace (mentioned above) also has a great team of psychiatrists to help you.

3. Learn from fact-based resources

There’s a lot of misinformation online about ADHD, especially on social media. I recommend:

• ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) – focused on adult ADHD education and support.
• CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) – offers evidence-based articles and webinars.
• Books like “Driven to Distraction” by Edward Hallowell and “Women with ADHD” by Sari Solden. **affiliate partner 💛

4. Explore medication options if appropriate

For some, stimulant or non-stimulant medications can make a huge difference in executive function and focus. If you’re managing chronic illness, your provider can help navigate what’s safe for your body and conditions.

5. Build a community

ADHD can be isolating, especially if your symptoms have been misunderstood. Online support groups, podcasts, or even local meetups can be an incredible source of understanding and validation.

Self-Acceptance and ADHD

The hardest part of discovering I had ADHD wasn’t the diagnosis—it was learning to forgive myself for all the years I spent believing I just “wasn’t trying hard enough.”

ADHD doesn’t mean I’m incapable. It means I process the world differently. I need structure, compassion, and rest in equal measure. I’ve learned to celebrate my creativity, curiosity, and deep empathy—the beautiful parts of an ADHD brain that often get overshadowed by shame.

If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in these words, please know this:
You’re not lazy, broken, or failing at life. You’ve just been working with a brain that needs a different kind of care.

Understanding that truth has been one of the most freeing experiences of my adult life. My ADHD diagnosis didn’t fix everything—but it helped me finally make peace with myself (which is an ongoing passion project 😊)

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission (at no extra cost to you) if you make a purchase through my links. Think of it as a tiny high-five for sharing things I genuinely love! 💛